Having a random hookup so left but love u
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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