I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize