R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize