SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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