we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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