You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize