I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize