My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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