you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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