Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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