when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I supernannyed him into submission
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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