I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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