I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize