Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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