He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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