Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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