I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize