Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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