Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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