we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wear drunk well.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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