I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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