Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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