i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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