I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize