i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize