If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize