i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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