i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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