I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize