and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize