Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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