Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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