20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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