Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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