somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize