I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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