do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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