I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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