I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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