3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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