Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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