just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize