How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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