During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And then he peed in my hair
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