Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize