mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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