It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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