Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize