I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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