I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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